I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
