i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
