I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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