next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
