I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
