so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
