i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my shit smells like andre
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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