im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
