You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
