Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
