I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't turn off my feet"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
