I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
