I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
