I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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