dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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