well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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