you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
