mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
