Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
