Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
