there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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