Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
