I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
