i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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