You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
