I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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