he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
