whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize