Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
