I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
