i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
