I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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