i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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