halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
