Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
