the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize