EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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