It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
