he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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