ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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