I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
