I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
