i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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