Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
