PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
