My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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