I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
