This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Someone came in the potted fern
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
