Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
