M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
