my vag is so smooth its legendary
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
