Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
