it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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