Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
