i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
