I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
