dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
