OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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