I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
