I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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