My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
