I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
