look no pants
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
