have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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