I wish my penis had an off switch
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
