I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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