I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
